How can I get over my anxieties and enjoy my sex life?
January 20, 2008
I am a 26 yo BiWM. I have never been intimate with another person. I am very shy, and I get panic attacks when I am seriously attracted to another person. I am also germaphobic. When I exert myself, I can get phone numbers and first dates. I am attracted to women at least 10x as much as men. Before I can possibly explore that side, I want to be intimate with a woman. I am considering an escort. I don't think that I am that unattractive, and I know some women have really fallen for me. I am also educated and worldly. My own fears have always prevented me from achieving happiness. What do you think I should do?
How germaphobic are we talking about? Are you simply above-average hygiene conscious? Or are we talking germaphobic to the point where significant parts of your life are being affected, such as your ability to meet people? If that's the case, you may want to see a counselor trained in addressing phobias. Germaphobic is no different than acrophobia (fear of heights), agoraphobia (fear of crowds), or my own personal terror, arachniphobia (fear of spiders). Moderate or severe germaphobic is a mental condition no less embarrassing than a physical one. Don't be afraid to seek treatment if necessary. The same goes for your panic attacks. Since your issues are tied up with sex, you may want to see a sex therapist with experience in phobias.
That being said, exploring sex with an escort may be a solution for you. If so, make sure you find one that you can talk to over the phone about your situation. Don't deal with an escort agency or brothel; they practice "fast-food escorting" and won't be able to give you the attention your situation requires. Shop around online. Once you find a potential escort, talk to her (or him) until you are ready to meet in person and explore things sexually. Hopefully the other escort will be skilled enough to help you work through your issue.
Of course you need to remember that an escort may be sexually skilled, but is not a trained therapist. Accordingly, you may have difficulty finding one who is skilled enough to help you work around your issues. In a case like this, a surrogate partner may be able to help. A surrogate partner is trained sexual partner who provides counseling through sex. He or she works in conjunction with the sex therapist, often to help you through a series of homework exercises to help you with your issues. If you think a surrogate partner may work for you, you will need to talk to a sex therapist about the issue. Surrogates rarely advertise directly to clients, preferring therapists play matchmaker.
Whether you have sex with an escort, a surrogate partner, or a "civilian," remember that your looks aren't the issue. Your self-confidence is, and sometimes you need to just take a deep breath and "go for it."
That being said, exploring sex with an escort may be a solution for you. If so, make sure you find one that you can talk to over the phone about your situation. Don't deal with an escort agency or brothel; they practice "fast-food escorting" and won't be able to give you the attention your situation requires. Shop around online. Once you find a potential escort, talk to her (or him) until you are ready to meet in person and explore things sexually. Hopefully the other escort will be skilled enough to help you work through your issue.
Of course you need to remember that an escort may be sexually skilled, but is not a trained therapist. Accordingly, you may have difficulty finding one who is skilled enough to help you work around your issues. In a case like this, a surrogate partner may be able to help. A surrogate partner is trained sexual partner who provides counseling through sex. He or she works in conjunction with the sex therapist, often to help you through a series of homework exercises to help you with your issues. If you think a surrogate partner may work for you, you will need to talk to a sex therapist about the issue. Surrogates rarely advertise directly to clients, preferring therapists play matchmaker.
Whether you have sex with an escort, a surrogate partner, or a "civilian," remember that your looks aren't the issue. Your self-confidence is, and sometimes you need to just take a deep breath and "go for it."
