Is it okay to bareback with my "monogamous" partner?
January 20, 2008
My partner is 32 years-old and has been with quite a few people, not always safely. He wants to fuck me without a condom and tells me it's okay as long as we both test negative for HIV and are monogamous. I was a virgin until I met him (and young and naive) so I know I don't have HIV. Is it safe to go "bareback" even after the HIV test has come out negative? Or should I insist he wear a condom?
Secondly, about three months ago my crotch started to inch terribly. After two-three days I noticed that I had crabs. Not a lot, but some. I checked my partner and he was INFESTED with them. He swears to God that he has been faithful and doesn't know where he caught them. I know this is a stupid question but I really don't know the answer. Is it possible to catch crabs from sitting on a toilet seat? Or did he probably catch them from another guy?
Secondly, about three months ago my crotch started to inch terribly. After two-three days I noticed that I had crabs. Not a lot, but some. I checked my partner and he was INFESTED with them. He swears to God that he has been faithful and doesn't know where he caught them. I know this is a stupid question but I really don't know the answer. Is it possible to catch crabs from sitting on a toilet seat? Or did he probably catch them from another guy?
Egads, where do I start? There are so many things that can go wrong for you here. Perhaps a stern warning is a good start: Don't even consider playing bareback with this guy. His line about getting crabs from a toilet seat is possible, but is rare. If not a toilet seat it may have been from trying on Speedos in a department store, or from an improperly sanitized towel at the gym. Either way, even with him swearing to God the odds are waaaaaaaay big that he screwed around behind your back. And if he cheated once, there's no guarantee he won't be doing it again after
Next off, even if you both get tested and are negative, there is no guarantee that he won't be cheating on you again. He may believe that using condoms with other guys will keep you safe, but you already know from the crab lice that condoms don't protect you from everything. Sure, he may not come home with HIV. But he might pick up herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes, hepatitis, genital warts, or any of several other STDs.
Speaking of which, you need to drag his ass to his doctor to give him a battery of STD tests. One-third of all men with crab lice have at least one other STDs. Since this guy has been barebacking with others there's a good chance he has been exposed to them. Some have immediate symptoms he'd probably have shown by now, but others like anal warts may be invisible and may be putting you at risk even in your current sex life. Condoms don't always protect you, remember?
I'm not telling you to dump the guy. He may have told the truth (although I ain't buying it), and that needs to be your decision. What I am saying is that while he may be risking his health for a good time, you don't need to be an innocent victim for his pleasure. Have a doctor check him out and play safe. If after another year of using condoms you're convinced he has been monogamous, then you can reassess the situation and consider your options.
Next off, even if you both get tested and are negative, there is no guarantee that he won't be cheating on you again. He may believe that using condoms with other guys will keep you safe, but you already know from the crab lice that condoms don't protect you from everything. Sure, he may not come home with HIV. But he might pick up herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes, hepatitis, genital warts, or any of several other STDs.
Speaking of which, you need to drag his ass to his doctor to give him a battery of STD tests. One-third of all men with crab lice have at least one other STDs. Since this guy has been barebacking with others there's a good chance he has been exposed to them. Some have immediate symptoms he'd probably have shown by now, but others like anal warts may be invisible and may be putting you at risk even in your current sex life. Condoms don't always protect you, remember?
I'm not telling you to dump the guy. He may have told the truth (although I ain't buying it), and that needs to be your decision. What I am saying is that while he may be risking his health for a good time, you don't need to be an innocent victim for his pleasure. Have a doctor check him out and play safe. If after another year of using condoms you're convinced he has been monogamous, then you can reassess the situation and consider your options.
