Should I tell my boyfriend I know he is an escort?
January 20, 2008
Almost three months ago I began seeing a guy named "Dave." We have loads in common and enjoy each others company greatly, and everything is going along fine… sort-of. Shortly after Dave and I met, I had the feeling that one of the pictures he emailed to me looked familiar. A little digging online led me to a site where he was listed as an escort. Fortunately after a bit of thought I realized that I have no problems with Dave's line of work.
The problem is that Dave does not know that I know what he does for a living. I have been careful to not ask him questions about his occupation, and he has been very artful about never bringing up the subject. This has been amusing in its own way, but I am concerned that it will be a problem in developing a relationship.
If I do not bring up the issue I do not know if or when Dave will share his “secret” with me. It is possible that he is worried that I would leave him if I knew what he does. This wouldn't happen, but he doesn't know that. I also wonder how I could bring up the subject. And while I am aware that its bad form for an escort and a client to fall for each other, Dave and I did not meet in that situation. Does this change things? Perhaps you could share a little of your wisdom on my situation and how we can get past this issue.
The problem is that Dave does not know that I know what he does for a living. I have been careful to not ask him questions about his occupation, and he has been very artful about never bringing up the subject. This has been amusing in its own way, but I am concerned that it will be a problem in developing a relationship.
If I do not bring up the issue I do not know if or when Dave will share his “secret” with me. It is possible that he is worried that I would leave him if I knew what he does. This wouldn't happen, but he doesn't know that. I also wonder how I could bring up the subject. And while I am aware that its bad form for an escort and a client to fall for each other, Dave and I did not meet in that situation. Does this change things? Perhaps you could share a little of your wisdom on my situation and how we can get past this issue.
I think it’s sweet that you’re so "hip" about his work. Many escorts have "civilian" boyfriends, but rarely does the boyfriend find out and keep quiet about it like you have. You’re absolutely correct that your relationship is not like an escort-client one. You two started on an entirely different basis, and your only major issue at this point is communicating openly with each other.
There are a few ways you may want to bring up the issue with him. You could send an e-mail to his escort account telling him that you know, you’re "hip," and you’d like to talk openly about the issue. You could set up an appointment with him via e-mail then have a bottle of champagne ready for him when he arrives in your hotel room. You could even buy him a copy of my book, The Male Escort’s Handbook and give it to him as a gift with a little note about how much you love him and support what he does. A dozen roses would be the perfect extra touch with that approach, too.
Really there are plenty of good ways to bring up the issue. The only important bit of advice I can offer you is to bring it up soon. You don’t know how he may be stressing over the issue, and you’d hate for him to distance himself from you because he is afraid of your possible reaction. And when you finally begin talking to him, ask him what else you should know about his life. If he’s keeping one secret from you there are probably others as well.
There are a few ways you may want to bring up the issue with him. You could send an e-mail to his escort account telling him that you know, you’re "hip," and you’d like to talk openly about the issue. You could set up an appointment with him via e-mail then have a bottle of champagne ready for him when he arrives in your hotel room. You could even buy him a copy of my book, The Male Escort’s Handbook and give it to him as a gift with a little note about how much you love him and support what he does. A dozen roses would be the perfect extra touch with that approach, too.
Really there are plenty of good ways to bring up the issue. The only important bit of advice I can offer you is to bring it up soon. You don’t know how he may be stressing over the issue, and you’d hate for him to distance himself from you because he is afraid of your possible reaction. And when you finally begin talking to him, ask him what else you should know about his life. If he’s keeping one secret from you there are probably others as well.
