How can I signal to guys in advance that I'm a top?
January 20, 2008
I'm a GWM 22 years old 5'4". I'm not entirely sure if it's due to height, but I always end up with men who want to top. Unfortunately, I am not a bottom. I'd consider it if I could find a way to safely and comfortably train myself to take dicks. My problem is I am not sure what signals I'm reading and sending wrong. Any advice?
Being 5'5" myself, I can relate to this question. For the first five years after I started having sex, guys almost always wanted to top me. Fortunately for me, I grew to enjoy it and spent many, many happy hours with my legs in the air.
Much of the reason you're hit on by so many tops is cultural. As a group, straight men tend to pursue slightly shorter and smaller women. Men who like to fuck men often do so in their partners as well. At 22 years-old, you're going to get hit on a lot to begin with. Add in a small stature and you're suddenly an ideal little bottomboy for the local community of tops. It doesn't help too that topping is an easier skill than bottoming to learn, so among younger partners tops are going to outnumber skilled bottoms.
There are a few obvious solutions your dilemma. The first is for you to learn how to bottom. The second is for you to be more assertive about being a top.
The bottoming part is easy. I've covered that in a few of my past columns that you can find on my site. If you have any interest in bottoming then I suggest you find a skilled top and spend some time experimenting with it. Read those old columns for more insight on how to do that.
The other immediate option is to be more assertive about being a top. This will probably be the key issue for you. You said the problem is that people always want to fuck you, but you're not a bottom. You didn't write to me saying you're a top who can't find any bottoms for partners. This suggests your partners are leading the way and are setting the agenda for your encounters.
So yes, you are inadvertently sending a wrong signal. Probably due to your relative lack of sexual experience. Your partners are asserting themselves more than you, and you're letting them lead the way. A solution on that point is easy - instead of them having you play bottom, why don't you teach them to do so. Or better yet - take turns teaching each other.
Of course there's a third solution. Say "fuck it" and go find yourself a hot bottom to bang. Go look in online personal ads looking for sexual partners. There are tons of bottoms out there, and although they tend to be looking for sex first and romance second, you may find a boyfriend through it all. Certainly you'll get yourself laid. I recommend Manhunt for doing this.
Of course you could decide to try all three options. Teaching yourself to bottom, asserting yourself as a top to your regular partners, and specifically finding bottoms would make a great plan of action for resolving your dilemma.
Much of the reason you're hit on by so many tops is cultural. As a group, straight men tend to pursue slightly shorter and smaller women. Men who like to fuck men often do so in their partners as well. At 22 years-old, you're going to get hit on a lot to begin with. Add in a small stature and you're suddenly an ideal little bottomboy for the local community of tops. It doesn't help too that topping is an easier skill than bottoming to learn, so among younger partners tops are going to outnumber skilled bottoms.
There are a few obvious solutions your dilemma. The first is for you to learn how to bottom. The second is for you to be more assertive about being a top.
The bottoming part is easy. I've covered that in a few of my past columns that you can find on my site. If you have any interest in bottoming then I suggest you find a skilled top and spend some time experimenting with it. Read those old columns for more insight on how to do that.
The other immediate option is to be more assertive about being a top. This will probably be the key issue for you. You said the problem is that people always want to fuck you, but you're not a bottom. You didn't write to me saying you're a top who can't find any bottoms for partners. This suggests your partners are leading the way and are setting the agenda for your encounters.
So yes, you are inadvertently sending a wrong signal. Probably due to your relative lack of sexual experience. Your partners are asserting themselves more than you, and you're letting them lead the way. A solution on that point is easy - instead of them having you play bottom, why don't you teach them to do so. Or better yet - take turns teaching each other.
Of course there's a third solution. Say "fuck it" and go find yourself a hot bottom to bang. Go look in online personal ads looking for sexual partners. There are tons of bottoms out there, and although they tend to be looking for sex first and romance second, you may find a boyfriend through it all. Certainly you'll get yourself laid. I recommend Manhunt for doing this.
Of course you could decide to try all three options. Teaching yourself to bottom, asserting yourself as a top to your regular partners, and specifically finding bottoms would make a great plan of action for resolving your dilemma.
