Should I hire an escort?
January 21, 2008
I'm a 19 year-old in NYC, and I've never had a male "encounter" before. I think I might be gay, but the truth is I'm not quite sure. Even though I've gone to youth groups and other "coming out" organizations, I'm just not sure. I've never had sex with a girl, and quite frankly the very idea makes me a bit ill. But I don't know if I should hire a male escort for what will essentially be a one-night stand when I really need a friendship. Uh, could ya help me out here... what should I do?
Good news: You're normal. It's extremely common for gay/bi youth to be confused about their sexuality as they come out. Furthermore, such confusion usually lasts until one starts actively experimenting with their sexuality. Things rapidly fall into place after that.
I'm not just waxing philosophic there either. Researchers who study gay developmental theory have routinely found that gay male youth report their first same-sex sexual experience (and I'm not talking about playing doctor as a kid!) to be critical in their coming out. As you experiment with guys you'll probably find your sexuality rapidly falls into place. Now read again what you wrote at first. I'd bet a lot of money that the ideal friend you're looking for will also be your first sexual partner.
Now for the second part of your question - how do you find that special someone? You're already following one of the first tips I'd give you - get in touch with your local gay youth group. Fortunately, there are lots more ways. Hang out in gay youth chatrooms on the web. Try writing a gay personal ad. If you're a student, find your local gay college group. And use your network of straight friends - as you come out to them, they'll know other gay guys they can introduce you to.
Keep in mind too, there's a difference between a one-night stand and a romantic interlude. Sometimes in life you'll meet someone (and yes, they can be escorts!), that you have a wonderfully exotic encounter with, but which won't lead to a relationship. They don't take the place of a boyfriend, but they can be memorable experiences. Don't shut them out of your realm of possibilities completely.
I'm not just waxing philosophic there either. Researchers who study gay developmental theory have routinely found that gay male youth report their first same-sex sexual experience (and I'm not talking about playing doctor as a kid!) to be critical in their coming out. As you experiment with guys you'll probably find your sexuality rapidly falls into place. Now read again what you wrote at first. I'd bet a lot of money that the ideal friend you're looking for will also be your first sexual partner.
Now for the second part of your question - how do you find that special someone? You're already following one of the first tips I'd give you - get in touch with your local gay youth group. Fortunately, there are lots more ways. Hang out in gay youth chatrooms on the web. Try writing a gay personal ad. If you're a student, find your local gay college group. And use your network of straight friends - as you come out to them, they'll know other gay guys they can introduce you to.
Keep in mind too, there's a difference between a one-night stand and a romantic interlude. Sometimes in life you'll meet someone (and yes, they can be escorts!), that you have a wonderfully exotic encounter with, but which won't lead to a relationship. They don't take the place of a boyfriend, but they can be memorable experiences. Don't shut them out of your realm of possibilities completely.
