How can I psych myself up to become a top?
January 21, 2008
I'm 24, and very in shape. My last relationship saw me as a permanent bottom because:
a) my boyfriend was VERY 'tight',
b) he said that he couldn't enjoy being a bottom, and
c) I really couldn't manage an erection as I didn't find myself turned on by his butt.
I know that I can be an excellent top even though I have only done it ONCE in my three year relationship with this man. Now I am about to start a new relationship and my partner has indicated that he would like to be the bottom a LOT once we have sex. The problem is that due to my past experience, I am finding it really difficult to get it up thinking about fucking a guy. I know that I want to fuck a guy more than anything, but how should I prepare myself before I get started? And since my partner is a virgin, how would I do best to have sex the first time? I really need the night we do it to be special for him so we decided that I would top him and ejaculate inside him as I jack him off at the same time. How could I best do this while giving myself maximum pleasure and not causing him too much pain?
a) my boyfriend was VERY 'tight',
b) he said that he couldn't enjoy being a bottom, and
c) I really couldn't manage an erection as I didn't find myself turned on by his butt.
I know that I can be an excellent top even though I have only done it ONCE in my three year relationship with this man. Now I am about to start a new relationship and my partner has indicated that he would like to be the bottom a LOT once we have sex. The problem is that due to my past experience, I am finding it really difficult to get it up thinking about fucking a guy. I know that I want to fuck a guy more than anything, but how should I prepare myself before I get started? And since my partner is a virgin, how would I do best to have sex the first time? I really need the night we do it to be special for him so we decided that I would top him and ejaculate inside him as I jack him off at the same time. How could I best do this while giving myself maximum pleasure and not causing him too much pain?
As a top, there is little advanced preparation you need to do before you climb into bed. Avoid jacking off for two or three days beforehand is about the most you need to do. Everything you do other than that should be designed to relax the bottom and put him at ease as much as possible. Fortunately for you, there are lots of ways to do this. Spending lots of time fingering his ass and lubing him up is one way. Kissing him and lavishing his body with attention is another.
As you two play in bed and the time to fuck him comes, spend a few minutes playing with his butt and relaxing him... THEN play with yourself and get your own dick hard. Feel free to take extra time to do this. Often tops that only barely have an erection lose it immediately after penetrating a bottom. Spending a few minutes beating off first and teasing the bottom with your dick will do a lot to keep you hard when you begin to fuck him.
Once you are ready to enter him, lay down on your sides. Assuming you are right handed, lay down on your left side so your right hand will be free. Spend the next few minutes fucking him. Make sure he is comfortable with the feeling, then concentrate on your own needs for a bit. Once you are really getting excited and into it, then start jacking him off. You'll find it's quite difficult to cum and jack someone off at the same time, so don't be afraid to ask him to take over for a moment if need be. Or better yet, hold yourself back until he is near to cumming. When the time finally comes to have an orgasm, have yours first, as many bottoms find it difficult to cum while being fucked.
If you want to change positions during this, there are lots of ways you can do this. The side-by-side position is a great position for beginners, but some guys (such as myself) don't find it pleasurable to top in this position. You can always roll on your back and pull him on top of you, or you can pull out and switch into any of a number of positions.
However you fuck, remember that your goal isn't for both of you to cum from anal sex. Your goal is for both of you to have fun and enjoy each other. If that means changing your agenda midway through the encounter, don't hesitate to do so. You'll both have a much better time if you keep your minds and your options open.
As you two play in bed and the time to fuck him comes, spend a few minutes playing with his butt and relaxing him... THEN play with yourself and get your own dick hard. Feel free to take extra time to do this. Often tops that only barely have an erection lose it immediately after penetrating a bottom. Spending a few minutes beating off first and teasing the bottom with your dick will do a lot to keep you hard when you begin to fuck him.
Once you are ready to enter him, lay down on your sides. Assuming you are right handed, lay down on your left side so your right hand will be free. Spend the next few minutes fucking him. Make sure he is comfortable with the feeling, then concentrate on your own needs for a bit. Once you are really getting excited and into it, then start jacking him off. You'll find it's quite difficult to cum and jack someone off at the same time, so don't be afraid to ask him to take over for a moment if need be. Or better yet, hold yourself back until he is near to cumming. When the time finally comes to have an orgasm, have yours first, as many bottoms find it difficult to cum while being fucked.
If you want to change positions during this, there are lots of ways you can do this. The side-by-side position is a great position for beginners, but some guys (such as myself) don't find it pleasurable to top in this position. You can always roll on your back and pull him on top of you, or you can pull out and switch into any of a number of positions.
However you fuck, remember that your goal isn't for both of you to cum from anal sex. Your goal is for both of you to have fun and enjoy each other. If that means changing your agenda midway through the encounter, don't hesitate to do so. You'll both have a much better time if you keep your minds and your options open.
