How can I tell if a guy I like is gay?
January 21, 2008
Well, I'm going to say that, um...I'm a virgin, and I'm 17. At 15 I came out of the closet. And college is looming closer. I think it will be a good experience, and that I'll meet more gay men there. But, I feel I am ready for a relationship. How can I tell if a guy is gay?
1. Do I just go and ask him?
2. Do I follow his mannerisms?
3. If he is straight acting, how can I tell?
4. Please help!
1. Do I just go and ask him?
2. Do I follow his mannerisms?
3. If he is straight acting, how can I tell?
4. Please help!
Congrats on coming out! Coming out as a teenager certainly does have its challenges, but it will put you years ahead of your peers in other ways as your life goes on. So bravo to you for accepting yourself and being proud of who you are. Of course coming out is only the first step. Now you need to find a boyfriend, or at least a cute guy to snuggle with in the back of your car. (Mine was a 1981 Honda Civic, and I liked to park at the dead end of Jennifer Lane in Warren, NJ. Alas, they've expanded the road so it is no longer the world's most ideal make-out spot).
So how do you tell if a guy is gay... well, that's a toughie! I wouldn't recommend going up to him and asking him. If he's in a gay bar, you know already. And if he's in school or on the street, he's unlikely to answer you honestly. Even if he even knows the answer. Remember that you are coming out earlier than a lot of guys do. No, I think that when it comes to guys you meet at school, a more subtle approach of "watching and waiting" is in order. Watch their eyes as people walk pass them and see whether he seems to be checking out the guys or the girls. And when you talk to him see if he uses nongender words. Such as "I'm dating a person" rather than "I'm dating a girl." Lots of guys will lie and say they're dating a girl, of course, but some will purposely hide the sex of the person instead.
Honestly though? I'd adapt a whole new approach. Since you're already on the Internet, why not use it to your advantage? Teen guys are a lot more bold about coming out this way. Go to gay.com and find the teen message boards and the chat rooms. Then go to google and type in "gay teens" and see what you find. Why sort out the straight people if you can find gay guys right from the start?
Finally, look in your phone book under gay. You may find a gay organization or info line. Call 'em up and ask if they know of any gay youth resources in your area. Don't be afraid to call, they're friendly trained volunteers who are there to answer calls like yours. Talk to them and see what they suggest. You may have a gay youth meeting group right in your area. G'luck!
So how do you tell if a guy is gay... well, that's a toughie! I wouldn't recommend going up to him and asking him. If he's in a gay bar, you know already. And if he's in school or on the street, he's unlikely to answer you honestly. Even if he even knows the answer. Remember that you are coming out earlier than a lot of guys do. No, I think that when it comes to guys you meet at school, a more subtle approach of "watching and waiting" is in order. Watch their eyes as people walk pass them and see whether he seems to be checking out the guys or the girls. And when you talk to him see if he uses nongender words. Such as "I'm dating a person" rather than "I'm dating a girl." Lots of guys will lie and say they're dating a girl, of course, but some will purposely hide the sex of the person instead.
Honestly though? I'd adapt a whole new approach. Since you're already on the Internet, why not use it to your advantage? Teen guys are a lot more bold about coming out this way. Go to gay.com and find the teen message boards and the chat rooms. Then go to google and type in "gay teens" and see what you find. Why sort out the straight people if you can find gay guys right from the start?
Finally, look in your phone book under gay. You may find a gay organization or info line. Call 'em up and ask if they know of any gay youth resources in your area. Don't be afraid to call, they're friendly trained volunteers who are there to answer calls like yours. Talk to them and see what they suggest. You may have a gay youth meeting group right in your area. G'luck!
