How can I help a friend accept he is gay?
January 21, 2008
I come to you because I have no idea what to do. I recently sexually experimented with my best friend. I know he liked it, because we did it 17 times and he told me he loved me. Now he has gone on a guilt trip and wants nothing to do with me. He is like trying to prove that he is still a man to himself or something. This is hurting me, because I love him, and this is true love. I am constantly going through depression and getting jealous about any girls he talks to. What do I do? Do I wait for him to realize he IS gay and come back to me, or just face that he was confused and I've fell in love with a straight man? Please help me, I am so lost. I am still in the closet so I have no one to talk to about this. He is my life.
I think your last three sentences describes your problem much better than the rest of your letter. No wonder you are in a depression. Since he's the only guy that knows about your sexuality, you're completely lost without him. Unfortunately, for whatever reason he is not lost without you. In time he may grow up a bit more (he is a teenager or in his early 20's judging from your letter) and come out. But in the meantime, you have to take care of yourself. So find yourself a local gay/lesbian resource, whether it be a youth group, a student group, or a community center. Go drop into one of their meetings and start talking to them about what resources exist in the community for meeting people. As you make gay friends, you will find that your loneliness will disappear very quickly. Drop me a line after you visit the group for the first time, and tell me what you learn. I'd be happy to help walk you through your coming out process.
