How rare is it that clients and escorts become boyfriends?
January 21, 2008
I've been seeing an escort for about four months now and we have it off quite well. We are compatible sexually and in many areas beyond that, but I am 58 and he is 25. I know your advice about clients and escorts not falling in love but I have fallen for him anyway. I am certain he cares deeply for me in return as well. My question is this: How rare is it that clients and escorts enter into a closer relationship? I know you have said it is "rare" so my question is how rare? Any other advice about handling this? What are the less obvious pitfalls? This is real and I need to deal with emotionally.
It’s rare. Reeeeeeeeaally rare. Since no one does scientific studies on these things, I asked Escortmale, a listserv for male escorts on the Internet. Of the 266 members on the list, only one responded that they he had ever heard of an escort and client falling in love with each other and entering a "normal" romantic relationship.
But if you’re one of the lucky few, then there are a few things you can do to make the relationship work. First, remove the monetary aspect from the relationship. That means not paying him any longer for his time. It’s fine to pick up dinner, but not to fly him around the country on vacations with you. After a year of romantic dating you can start buying him more extravagant gifts if you want.
Second, don’t expect him to treat you like the center of the universe like he did when he was on the clock. It is the job of an escort to make the you feel wonderful even when he feels differently. He laughs at your jokes when they’re not funny, and tells you that you’re great in bed even if you’re not. Once you enter a relationship you will see a very different side of him, and one that doesn’t necessarily dote on you all of the time. He may care about you deeply, but he won’t be the dreamboat that you thought he would be.
Third, don’t demand that he quit escorting. He may voluntarily leave the industry for you, but the decision must be made completely without pressure. Otherwise he will harbor feelings of resentment that you made him choose between you and “the business.”
Fourth, don’t expect your new relationship to be a sexual paradise. This point partially goes back to you not being the center of the universe any longer, but also reflects his desire to have control over his own body. Remember that an escort has sex to meet the scheduling demands and sexual desires of his clients, not for his own gratification. So when an escort enters a romantic relationship he often expresses being able to control his own body through having his own needs met the majority of the time. Those needs may be moderately incompatible with yours, and may involve not even having much sex. There is also the issue of sexual exhaustion, too. If he remains working as an escort sex will often be the last thing he wants to do.
Finally, understand that going from client to boyfriend is a one-way trip. If things fade out for any reason, you can’t go back and start handing him wads of cash for his time again. Doing so is immensely stressful for the escort and is not remotely healthy. He may accept your money, but the moment you offer him cash again your relationship is truly dead.
But even with all these warnings, remember that romantic relationships can be created from escort and client ones. It’s excruciatingly rare, but it does happen. If you’re one of the lucky ones then you may want to start crafting your cover story when next Thanksgiving comes and your new in-laws ask you how the two of you met.
But if you’re one of the lucky few, then there are a few things you can do to make the relationship work. First, remove the monetary aspect from the relationship. That means not paying him any longer for his time. It’s fine to pick up dinner, but not to fly him around the country on vacations with you. After a year of romantic dating you can start buying him more extravagant gifts if you want.
Second, don’t expect him to treat you like the center of the universe like he did when he was on the clock. It is the job of an escort to make the you feel wonderful even when he feels differently. He laughs at your jokes when they’re not funny, and tells you that you’re great in bed even if you’re not. Once you enter a relationship you will see a very different side of him, and one that doesn’t necessarily dote on you all of the time. He may care about you deeply, but he won’t be the dreamboat that you thought he would be.
Third, don’t demand that he quit escorting. He may voluntarily leave the industry for you, but the decision must be made completely without pressure. Otherwise he will harbor feelings of resentment that you made him choose between you and “the business.”
Fourth, don’t expect your new relationship to be a sexual paradise. This point partially goes back to you not being the center of the universe any longer, but also reflects his desire to have control over his own body. Remember that an escort has sex to meet the scheduling demands and sexual desires of his clients, not for his own gratification. So when an escort enters a romantic relationship he often expresses being able to control his own body through having his own needs met the majority of the time. Those needs may be moderately incompatible with yours, and may involve not even having much sex. There is also the issue of sexual exhaustion, too. If he remains working as an escort sex will often be the last thing he wants to do.
Finally, understand that going from client to boyfriend is a one-way trip. If things fade out for any reason, you can’t go back and start handing him wads of cash for his time again. Doing so is immensely stressful for the escort and is not remotely healthy. He may accept your money, but the moment you offer him cash again your relationship is truly dead.
But even with all these warnings, remember that romantic relationships can be created from escort and client ones. It’s excruciatingly rare, but it does happen. If you’re one of the lucky ones then you may want to start crafting your cover story when next Thanksgiving comes and your new in-laws ask you how the two of you met.
