Why do I lose an erection when someone touches my dick?
January 21, 2008
This is rather embarrassing, but what the hell. I'm a 20 year-old gay male with a problem. I have no trouble getting and keeping an erection if I'm touching myself, but if anyone else should touch me then Mr. Happy immediately goes limp. Bam! Just like that. It's embarrassing, not to mention frustrating. What in the world could the problem be? And more importantly, how do I fix it?
When a person can't get hard, there are two possible causes: physical or mental. Since you have no difficulty getting hard by yourself, that makes a physical cause highly unlikely. What is more likely is that feel uncomfortable when you are having sex. For example, if you're nervous about what you're doing, or if you're worried someone may walk in on you.
I would also be curious to know how many times you've have experienced this problem. I'll bet it hasn't happened all that often. Perhaps just a few times in situations that weren’t comfortable for you. Alternately, it might have been in a situation where many men naturally have trouble staying hard, such as wearing a condom. Either way, I would also bet that once you had trouble getting hard, you began fixating on the problem and becoming very anxious about it. Anxiety that made it difficult to get an erection the next time you had sex.
My suggestion would be to have sex with someone that knows your issue in advance. Someone you find attractive, and in a place where you won't be disturbed. Have fun doing things that turn you on and don’t require an erection. I suspect you'll do just fine.
If you're still having trouble staying hard, do two things. First, set up an appointment with a urologist to double-check and make sure there aren’t any physical reasons you’re your difficulty. If he gives you a clean bill of health, your second job is to make an appointment with a sex therapist experienced with gay issues. If you don't know how to find one, call your local gay info line for a referral. They may not know, but they'll give you the number of a gay psychologist who may be able to refer you to someone else in turn. You shouldn't EVER feel embarrassed talking about these issues with a sex therapist. Sex is exactly the reason they are in the business, after all.
On that note, you shouldn't ever feel embarrassed about this issue in general. I understand your concern, but an erection is often not necessary to have a great sexual experience with someone. It’s useful, but hardly required.
I would also be curious to know how many times you've have experienced this problem. I'll bet it hasn't happened all that often. Perhaps just a few times in situations that weren’t comfortable for you. Alternately, it might have been in a situation where many men naturally have trouble staying hard, such as wearing a condom. Either way, I would also bet that once you had trouble getting hard, you began fixating on the problem and becoming very anxious about it. Anxiety that made it difficult to get an erection the next time you had sex.
My suggestion would be to have sex with someone that knows your issue in advance. Someone you find attractive, and in a place where you won't be disturbed. Have fun doing things that turn you on and don’t require an erection. I suspect you'll do just fine.
If you're still having trouble staying hard, do two things. First, set up an appointment with a urologist to double-check and make sure there aren’t any physical reasons you’re your difficulty. If he gives you a clean bill of health, your second job is to make an appointment with a sex therapist experienced with gay issues. If you don't know how to find one, call your local gay info line for a referral. They may not know, but they'll give you the number of a gay psychologist who may be able to refer you to someone else in turn. You shouldn't EVER feel embarrassed talking about these issues with a sex therapist. Sex is exactly the reason they are in the business, after all.
On that note, you shouldn't ever feel embarrassed about this issue in general. I understand your concern, but an erection is often not necessary to have a great sexual experience with someone. It’s useful, but hardly required.
