How can I get guys for sex only instead of love?
January 21, 2008
I am a 38 year old, married bisexual man who has just begun to experience my gay-sex potential. The quick sex got boring, so I decided to actually meet people. The problem is that no matter how honest I am about my situation, and about how confused and screwed up I am, the guys that I spend any amount of time with FALL IN LOVE WITH ME. I mean, it's four out of four right now, and they are all head over heels. I said all kinds of, "let's just experience the moment," and "you know this can't be permanent" stuff, but connecting with these guys is really filling an empty hole in my psyche that I guess they can sense. I am getting afraid to meet anyone else and have fun, because this "love thing" gets in the way. Am I just so inexperienced in the gay world that I don't know the right way to say, "I just wanna play, boys!" HELP!
While normally I wouldn't have mercy on people who "make" people fall in love with them, I can see why as a married man that would be awkward for you. In any case, you do have a bit of a problem!
My initial thought is that you may want to meet people in more sexual environments and less friendly/conversational ones. For example, through sex clubs. It would certainly cut down on the number of people falling in love with you. But you also indicated you were not looking for quickies, but rather for friendly playmates. So have you considered making your limitations and intentions clear right from the start? That would seem to be the best way to avoid problems. Another solution would be for you to date married men who are not looking for anything permanent, either.
Also, try picking up guys on sex websites like Manhunt. Some relationship forming occurs from meetings on that site, but it's mostly a meat market. Then again, you indicated you are open and honest about things, but people fall for you anyway. Hmm! Love and attraction are funny things. Even when we know that the person is not available or interested, we often pursue them anyway. So as long as people are going to ignore your unavailability and pursue you anyway, you're going to have troubles.
My initial thought is that you may want to meet people in more sexual environments and less friendly/conversational ones. For example, through sex clubs. It would certainly cut down on the number of people falling in love with you. But you also indicated you were not looking for quickies, but rather for friendly playmates. So have you considered making your limitations and intentions clear right from the start? That would seem to be the best way to avoid problems. Another solution would be for you to date married men who are not looking for anything permanent, either.
Also, try picking up guys on sex websites like Manhunt. Some relationship forming occurs from meetings on that site, but it's mostly a meat market. Then again, you indicated you are open and honest about things, but people fall for you anyway. Hmm! Love and attraction are funny things. Even when we know that the person is not available or interested, we often pursue them anyway. So as long as people are going to ignore your unavailability and pursue you anyway, you're going to have troubles.
