How can I survive my boyfriend's love for armpit play?
January 21, 2008
My boyfriend is really into having his armpits licked. That's okay with me, but the trouble is that he's often sweaty and smelly there. To prevent this he shaves himself and soaps himself up, but pretty soon after getting back in bed with him and he's getting worked up, he's sweaty again. This is a major turnoff for me. When he senses my hesitation he starts asking me if I am really into him. He even asks me if I'm really gay!
How do we overcome this, and is it really that important? He doesn't lick me that much and I don't mind, but I would like to do what pleases him. Surely I am not that weird. He says a man's sweat should turn me on and not off.
How do we overcome this, and is it really that important? He doesn't lick me that much and I don't mind, but I would like to do what pleases him. Surely I am not that weird. He says a man's sweat should turn me on and not off.
I like your boyfriend's point of view. Just because you're not willing to dive into his sweaty and stinky pits, you're straight. Yup, that's the definition of a straight man in my book: someone who likes to suck dick but doesn't like male armpit odor. The reverse applies as well. A gay guy is someone who isn't willing to lick a woman's sweaty pits. Works for me!
In all seriousness, your boyfriend seriously needs a clue. Sweat can be really erotic as he claims, but as you well know it can also be nasty and unappealing. And although he may find his sweat to be extremely masculine and erotic, it's really not his decision to make. You're the one that he's asking to lick his armpits, after all. So start by understanding that you're in the right here, and that you don't need to lick anywhere that grosses you out. Or even mildly bothers you for that matter. You have the right to limit what you do sexually for any reason.
Of course this isn't about being right and wrong either. You'd like to come up with a solution that meets both of your needs. So why not try an approach that doesn't involve arguing over the issue. Start by not making hygiene demands on him ("Ack! Bleeech! Go wash your pits!"). Eroticise process by taking a hot shower together before you have sex. Give his armpits lots of attention as you clean each other. You'll find he's only wet with water then. If you guys get totally hot and heavy in the shower, great. That's all the more time you can work over his armpits without any problems. You don't even need to shower with him right before you have sex, too. Joining him for his morning or nighttime shower will lead to all sorts of sweat-free fun, too.
Outside of the shower, there are still a few things you can do. Keep the room temperature a bit on the cool side. You may find 70 degrees to be comfortable, but he may sweat like a pig during sex at that temperature. Switching the heater down to 65 may solve half your trouble. Try also immediately working on his armpits after he washes them off. If you wait an hour or two before having sex, that will give time for the sweat to come back.
And what sort of deodorant does he use? Is he even using one? Switching may solve the smell and wetness problem, but may also completely dry out your mouth when you lick him. Try visiting an environment-friendly/vegetarian market and look at the sorts of natural deodorants they have. Some of them may help with the same issues, but not cause your mouth to pucker when you work on him.
Either way, get him on brainstorming solutions. It's a team effort here, and whether he's a sweathog or you're a prig isn't the issue. If you want to have a good sex life you're going to have to work around this. Good luck!
In all seriousness, your boyfriend seriously needs a clue. Sweat can be really erotic as he claims, but as you well know it can also be nasty and unappealing. And although he may find his sweat to be extremely masculine and erotic, it's really not his decision to make. You're the one that he's asking to lick his armpits, after all. So start by understanding that you're in the right here, and that you don't need to lick anywhere that grosses you out. Or even mildly bothers you for that matter. You have the right to limit what you do sexually for any reason.
Of course this isn't about being right and wrong either. You'd like to come up with a solution that meets both of your needs. So why not try an approach that doesn't involve arguing over the issue. Start by not making hygiene demands on him ("Ack! Bleeech! Go wash your pits!"). Eroticise process by taking a hot shower together before you have sex. Give his armpits lots of attention as you clean each other. You'll find he's only wet with water then. If you guys get totally hot and heavy in the shower, great. That's all the more time you can work over his armpits without any problems. You don't even need to shower with him right before you have sex, too. Joining him for his morning or nighttime shower will lead to all sorts of sweat-free fun, too.
Outside of the shower, there are still a few things you can do. Keep the room temperature a bit on the cool side. You may find 70 degrees to be comfortable, but he may sweat like a pig during sex at that temperature. Switching the heater down to 65 may solve half your trouble. Try also immediately working on his armpits after he washes them off. If you wait an hour or two before having sex, that will give time for the sweat to come back.
And what sort of deodorant does he use? Is he even using one? Switching may solve the smell and wetness problem, but may also completely dry out your mouth when you lick him. Try visiting an environment-friendly/vegetarian market and look at the sorts of natural deodorants they have. Some of them may help with the same issues, but not cause your mouth to pucker when you work on him.
Either way, get him on brainstorming solutions. It's a team effort here, and whether he's a sweathog or you're a prig isn't the issue. If you want to have a good sex life you're going to have to work around this. Good luck!
Comment by Anonymous on January 21, 2008
Recently you had a letter from a guy whose boyfriend liked his armpits licked. Not to split hairs, but there is a distinction between a deodorant and an antiperspirant. Deodorants (as the name implies, de- + odor) are essentially armpit perfume. They'll keep you from stinking on a hot day, but they won't cut down on the amount of sweat your body produces. An antiperspirant (again as the name implies, anti- + perspire) is designed not only to smell nice, but also to prevent sweating. So technically, your advice to him to get his boyfriend to switch *deodorants* won't do the trick. He should either: a) switch antiperspirants because his current on is no longer working (you can develop a tolerance to a given brand; I know, as my boyfriend has a tendency to "pit out"), or b) switch from using deodorant to using antiperspirant. And you are absolutely correct about one other thing. Antiperspirants are desiccators and will turn your tongue into dry fuzz. I take usually two showers a day, but a couple of years ago, I noticed in the summer that my deodorant didn't always work. I read somewhere that the cause of armpit odor was bacterial in nature and to use antibacterial soap. I switched to the orange antibacterial soap and the body odor just disappeared. Now, even if I don't use deodorant some days, there is little if any odor. This really did stop the problem.