Can I salvage my relationship with my HIV+ lover?
January 21, 2008
I have a wonderful, handsome, lover who is intelligent, sexy, and has a great big, beautiful dick. I have not cum with him for more than two years. I am extremely turned on by him when I am alone and able to fantasize, but I have failed him so often in bed that I am now embarrassed to try. In fact, I cannot even keep an erection with him, something that no doubt hurts him deeply.
The reason for all of this is because he has AIDS and I am HIV-negative. I live in terror that I will catch it. We always use condoms, even for oral sex. The taste of rubber is nasty though. We have tried the flavored ones, but even they are a turnoff to me. I had a dream more than two years ago that a condom burst while he was fucking me, and I woke up freaked out. Since then I have found it difficult to "get past the dream." I realize this is a very complicated problem, but any suggestions would be appreciated.
The reason for all of this is because he has AIDS and I am HIV-negative. I live in terror that I will catch it. We always use condoms, even for oral sex. The taste of rubber is nasty though. We have tried the flavored ones, but even they are a turnoff to me. I had a dream more than two years ago that a condom burst while he was fucking me, and I woke up freaked out. Since then I have found it difficult to "get past the dream." I realize this is a very complicated problem, but any suggestions would be appreciated.
Youch! You guys do have a serious problem. Have you talked this over with anyone experienced with these issues? A counselor, I mean. Someone who has experience working with mixed-HIV status couples. Your local AIDS-information hotline should be able to refer you to one. I suggest this strongly because after two years you two are going to need a lot more than an advice column to jump start your sex life.
Besides a counselor, look for a support group to join. The two of you would be perfect candidates for a support group of mixed-status couples, and you would benefit as well for a group of men with HIV+ partners. Again, your local AIDS information line can direct you to those groups in your area.
More than anything else you two need to bring in outside assistance. Clearly the two of you have not been able to address this issue on your own. Getting expert input from trained professionals and those that share your challenges is the first step you need to take in repairing your relationship. Until you take that step any suggestions I make about better tasting flavored condoms will be a waste of both your time and mine.
Besides a counselor, look for a support group to join. The two of you would be perfect candidates for a support group of mixed-status couples, and you would benefit as well for a group of men with HIV+ partners. Again, your local AIDS information line can direct you to those groups in your area.
More than anything else you two need to bring in outside assistance. Clearly the two of you have not been able to address this issue on your own. Getting expert input from trained professionals and those that share your challenges is the first step you need to take in repairing your relationship. Until you take that step any suggestions I make about better tasting flavored condoms will be a waste of both your time and mine.
