AdviceGeek

"Anal messes" are like static cling. It's not possible to eradicate it entirely, but you can do your damnest to limit the problem. Anal sexuality can be extremely erotic and enjoyable, but it's important to attempt good hygiene to maximize your enjoyment.

All you newbies to anal sexuality should know there are three types of anal messes. Pre-sex, during sex, and post-sex. Let's tackle them one at a time.

Pre-sex anal messes refers to day-to-day hygiene. Sweat, dead skin cells, and slight amounts of fecal matter. Most of that can be removed with a generous dose of soap and water. My advice is to always take a shower before you go out on a date or have sex. And if you have to defecate after the shower but before you have sex, do more than just wipe with toilet paper. Grab a washcloth and use that (along with lots of soap!). Be sure to get the surface of your anus as well as inside you. Slipping a soapy finger in there can help. Keep slipping the finger in there and washing it off until it comes out perfectly clean.

Of course, washing can only do so much good. Sometimes you're simply having an "off day." In that case an enema may be warranted. Don't cringe over this one, folks. Bottoms on porno sets use them anytime they are going to be fucked. It's a highly efficient way of cleaning out yourself on the inside, in the depths you can't normally reach.

Enemas can be purchased either as disposables, or in reusable containers. Disposables (often under the name brand "Fleet") involve a small bottle with a spout. Reusable ones vary in type and shape, ranging from simply spouts that you fill with warm water all the way up to more complex ones you hook up to a faucet. Unless you're planning on doing this often (and some of you may need that), I'd suggest buying disposable ones.

Either way, you kneel down on the floor, slide the spout into your ass behind you (easy to do, it's only an inch or two long), and squeeze the bottle. Squeeze as much of the liquid into your ass as convenient. Then stay in that position for several minutes. The water is dissolving any unpleasant material inside you. After a few minutes you'll have an urge to go to the bathroom. Just sit up on the nearest toilet and let go. You'll want to make sure as much fluid as possible from the enema is out of you. So sit for a few minutes and vacate yourself completely. You can repeat as necessary, although you don't want to do it too much. Two or three enemas can be acceptable, eight or ten is definitely overdoing it. If you need that many, chances are you need to alter your diet.

Speaking of which, a diet high in fiber will actually help with this problem. Or at least so said a website I found. I'm not a nutritionist, and my idea of well-balanced meal is two blondes and a brunette. But seriously, fiber will do wonders for "cleaning you up" there by helping to prevent constipation or diarrhea. You can add more fiber to your diet through certain grain products, fruits, and vegetables. Apples and potatoes skins have a lot of fiber, as well. And if all else fails, start eating Kellogg's All-Bran cereal in the morning. It may taste like cardboard, but it'll do wonders for your sex life.

Bottoms should also be aware that in the hours between taking an enema and being ready to have sex, their system is continuing to digest food. You may not necessarily feel the need to go to the bathroom, but their may be stool in your rectum anyway. As you retire for the evening back to your house, you may want to quietly excuse yourself for a quick last-minute bathroom run. Make sure you're emptied out, washing yourself thoroughly (and even a super-quick enema) if they're warranted. It's always a good idea to try to go to the bathroom even when you don't feel a need to. There's nothing more awkward for a top than to finger a bottom to open him up, only to detect something inside him that should have been vacated. The top really loses interest in having sex around that moment, but it's very embarrassing to communicate to the bottom.

During sex, there isn't a lot you can do to make sure things are clean. You have either prepared both short and long-term as described above, or you've decided to trust your luck. There are a number of factors that can contribute to anal sex being dirty, such as the size of the top's dick and the amount of time you are fucking. Using particularly large amounts of lube can also contribute to the mess, as some of the matter inside one's ass can dissolve into the lube.

One of the best ways to minimize the mess during anal sex is to lay a large bath towel on the bed where you'll be fucking. Besides serving as a convenient place to wipe the lube off your hands, the towel will greatly aid in keeping any mess off your bed. It's also great for wiping the excess cum off you when you're done.

Another great way to keep the mess to a minimum is to use a water-based lubricant. Besides being necessary with the majority of condoms, it's far less messy on the skin than oil-based lubes. Water-based ones such as KY, ForPlay, Wet, and ID also have the added bonus of quickly washing off in the shower.

Ideally, you'll have a great time being fucking and being fucked without any sort of mess. But frequently you'll notice traces of matter on the end or sides of a condom. If it's a slight amount, my suggestion is not to worry about it. If it does bother you, discreetly throw the condom away and unroll a new one. Having a wastebasket nearby and/or a wad of tissues can minimize the interruption. Try not to walk into the bathroom to dispose of the condom. It does solve the problem, but also interrupts the mood and increases the awkwardness of the situation. It's even possible for the top to change the condom and slide back in without the bottom ever being aware of what's going on.

Those that have enjoyed anal sex over the years also know that messes in larger quantities than just traces are inevitable. In this case, stop what you're doing for a while. Depending on the position you're using, it'll be easier for the person physically on top of the other (not fucking-wise - I mean physically over the other person) to take control of the situation. That person, usually the top, withdraws out of the bottom, disposes of the condom, and uses the handy towel you're fucking over to wipe off any mess from either of the two of you. Then if you'd like to try again, just throw another condom on, make sure you're adequately lubricated, and try it again! The bottom in this case is almost mortified, so the top should closely monitor the bottom to make sure he's not too embarrassed. A quick wave of the hand dismissing it's importance is a great way to put the bottom at ease. So is a kiss and a smile.

Alas, messes of Augean Stable proportions occur even to the best of us. In this case, just pull out and toss the condom into the trash. Use the towel and any others nearby to clean yourselves off. If a quick shower is warranted, and it is often after anal sex because of all the lube, try taking one together. Each of you may be feeling a bit embarrassed and wanting to wash your own bodies off, but staying together will minimize the feeling of awkwardness. When you're done, jump back in bed together (discreetly tossing any soiled sheets away if necessary), and try something else. Remember that we all have off days.

Oh, and as before, the top should always make sure the bottom understands that it isn't any big deal. Being a bit dirty as a bottom is a lot like being a top and not being able to manage a full erection. It happens to us all sooner or later. Don't make a big deal about it, and move on with your evening.

Finally, post-sex. You've primed yourself up to be fucked. You've banged until you started to squeal with delight (and his balls went kaboom!). And now, you're laying in each other's arms on the bed in post-coital afterglow. A quick shower to clean off the cum and lube and you're set!

Well, almost. Two slightly messes bottoms should be careful to avoid at this point. First, many bottoms who have been fucked, particularly those who have been seriously anally probed, may now have to defecate. The feeling can come a bit suddenly, so bottoms may want to politely excuse themselves to use a bathroom. Don't feel as if you're disturbing the moment to do so. Tops are well aware they just banged the bottom up the ass. It's only natural they may want a few moments to compose themselves.

Once in the bathroom, just sit down and relax yourself for a minute or two. Sometimes you'll be fine and not need to defecate at all. Other times you'll be passing quite a bit more than usual. Either way, just relax and clean yourself off. And if you think there's a shot at having another round of anal sex, go back to step one above. : )

Finally, if you were just having sex without a condom, and if the top shot a load of cum up your ass, you've got it inside you waiting to come back out. If you head into the bathroom for a few minutes, you'll probably pass most of the cum and lube back out immediately. If you do not, however, you may find yourself half an hour later feeling as if you need to pass gas. It may be gas, but more likely it's the load of cum and lube in your rectum. If you pass it, you'd better be prepared to find a restroom fairly quickly to clean up. I learned this the hard way when I was 17. Took me two or three times of this happening to me to figure out what was going on!—Aaron Lawrence