How can a very thickly hung top ready a bottom to be fucked?
January 21, 2008
I really appreciate and enjoy your column, but have hesitated for more than a year to write because of a problem that most people just write-off and say "Ha! I wish I had that problem."
My penis is extremely thick. At the smallest the thickness is seven inches around, and some of it is even bigger. I have only met three men in my life who could take it for as long as I wanted to give it. The length is also impressive (7.5 inches). Even though many gay men say they love a big dick, the reality is a bit different. The men who say they can take me then stop within minutes. I read a previous column of yours about thickness and you said try gently putting in more and more fingers before fucking. I've tried this for many years but it rarely works. I am extremely gentle with these guys but the outcome is always the same. Thus my two questions: Do you have any suggestions how I might be more successful with bottoms? And, how do bottoms in porn movies take cocks as thick as mine: Kris Lord and Johnny Hansen come to mind. Are they using certain substances that might help? Many thanks. I really hope you answer this question cause I am 37 and feel a bit of a freak because the thickness of my cock has prevented me from having good anal sex with most of my partners.
My penis is extremely thick. At the smallest the thickness is seven inches around, and some of it is even bigger. I have only met three men in my life who could take it for as long as I wanted to give it. The length is also impressive (7.5 inches). Even though many gay men say they love a big dick, the reality is a bit different. The men who say they can take me then stop within minutes. I read a previous column of yours about thickness and you said try gently putting in more and more fingers before fucking. I've tried this for many years but it rarely works. I am extremely gentle with these guys but the outcome is always the same. Thus my two questions: Do you have any suggestions how I might be more successful with bottoms? And, how do bottoms in porn movies take cocks as thick as mine: Kris Lord and Johnny Hansen come to mind. Are they using certain substances that might help? Many thanks. I really hope you answer this question cause I am 37 and feel a bit of a freak because the thickness of my cock has prevented me from having good anal sex with most of my partners.
Gee, umm, what's your phone number? :)
In all seriousness, you are NOT a freak, and you should not feel bad about your dick. What you are learning is that dick size is not as convenient as most people believe. While they would be happy to trade places with you, they'd quickly learn that having a huge dick is not all it's cracked up to be. That being said, let's see what advice I can come up with for you.
For starters, accept that not everyone is going to be able to take your dick. Obviously that's not a big step for you as you long ago learned that one. But it is important to keep in mind that as you use these techniques, they still aren't going to work on everyone.
Second, consider just how long you like to fuck. Some tops become frustrated when their bottoms start complaining after an hour. If you need to fuck that long, then I can see why they are unhappy! If you are going to fuck, expect that ten to fifteen minutes of action is an average limit the bottom. This number will be lower too if you have a particularly big dick (like yours), or if you are pumping very hard or aggressively.
Third, when you begin to fuck, do so sloooooooooooowly. You may have learned this lesson already, but it bears repeating. If your bottom has his butt and legs in the air, and if you jam your dick into his butt, he is going to scream. Fingering him way open and then slowly beginning to penetrate him over the course of ten minutes may be a way to do it. Keep the bottom excited and on edge. If he has an erection, he is much more likely to be able to take your dick than otherwise. Don't be afraid to just slide the head in and then pull it out, then slide it back in plus another half inch and then pull it out again. Keep adding half an inch until he finally has the entire dick within him.
Fourth, try fucking on your sides. You may have your preferred positions, but the first step is to find a bottom that can stand being fucked in at least one position. Lying on your sides (the "spoon" position) is a good one for beginning bottoms or when the top has a big dick.
Fifth, try threeways in which the other guys know in advance you want to fuck one of them. The third person can keep the bottom excited and relaxed while you slowly enter him. The third person can also fuck the bottom for a while to relax his ass and get him warmed up for you.
Sixth, when you post your ads online, try an ad that looks for someone who has experience getting fucked by two dicks at once. Not a lot of guys have done that, but your dick sounds like it's thick enough for two. Those who have been double-penetrated (DP'ed) are much more likely to be skilled bottoms who can take a dick like yours.
Finally, you may find that chemicals help. I do NOT reccommend that bottoms start taking tons of drugs in order to be fucked by huge dicks. But some bottoms do report that poppers help them relax their ass more. Also, a lubricant like ForPlay contains a mild anesthetic which makes fucking slightly more comfortable for the bottom. Just don't rub it directly on your dick, or you will be numbed as well and will need longer to cum. Having a condom in between the bottom's butt and your dick will avoid that problem.
Oh, about your question regarding porn stars. Keep in mind that those porn stars are not representative of the general population. When the directors cast someone to be fucked by a huge dick, they have specifically gone out and found a bottom with capabilities well-above average. Those stars are also being paid to be fucked, too. If you flashed a thousand bucks in front of your bottoms I suspect they would find that your dick suddenly feels a lot nicer. Also, porn stars are taking frequent breaks off camera to recover. The object is not to pleasure the top, after all. It is to put on a good show for the camera until the director collects enough footage.
In all seriousness, you are NOT a freak, and you should not feel bad about your dick. What you are learning is that dick size is not as convenient as most people believe. While they would be happy to trade places with you, they'd quickly learn that having a huge dick is not all it's cracked up to be. That being said, let's see what advice I can come up with for you.
For starters, accept that not everyone is going to be able to take your dick. Obviously that's not a big step for you as you long ago learned that one. But it is important to keep in mind that as you use these techniques, they still aren't going to work on everyone.
Second, consider just how long you like to fuck. Some tops become frustrated when their bottoms start complaining after an hour. If you need to fuck that long, then I can see why they are unhappy! If you are going to fuck, expect that ten to fifteen minutes of action is an average limit the bottom. This number will be lower too if you have a particularly big dick (like yours), or if you are pumping very hard or aggressively.
Third, when you begin to fuck, do so sloooooooooooowly. You may have learned this lesson already, but it bears repeating. If your bottom has his butt and legs in the air, and if you jam your dick into his butt, he is going to scream. Fingering him way open and then slowly beginning to penetrate him over the course of ten minutes may be a way to do it. Keep the bottom excited and on edge. If he has an erection, he is much more likely to be able to take your dick than otherwise. Don't be afraid to just slide the head in and then pull it out, then slide it back in plus another half inch and then pull it out again. Keep adding half an inch until he finally has the entire dick within him.
Fourth, try fucking on your sides. You may have your preferred positions, but the first step is to find a bottom that can stand being fucked in at least one position. Lying on your sides (the "spoon" position) is a good one for beginning bottoms or when the top has a big dick.
Fifth, try threeways in which the other guys know in advance you want to fuck one of them. The third person can keep the bottom excited and relaxed while you slowly enter him. The third person can also fuck the bottom for a while to relax his ass and get him warmed up for you.
Sixth, when you post your ads online, try an ad that looks for someone who has experience getting fucked by two dicks at once. Not a lot of guys have done that, but your dick sounds like it's thick enough for two. Those who have been double-penetrated (DP'ed) are much more likely to be skilled bottoms who can take a dick like yours.
Finally, you may find that chemicals help. I do NOT reccommend that bottoms start taking tons of drugs in order to be fucked by huge dicks. But some bottoms do report that poppers help them relax their ass more. Also, a lubricant like ForPlay contains a mild anesthetic which makes fucking slightly more comfortable for the bottom. Just don't rub it directly on your dick, or you will be numbed as well and will need longer to cum. Having a condom in between the bottom's butt and your dick will avoid that problem.
Oh, about your question regarding porn stars. Keep in mind that those porn stars are not representative of the general population. When the directors cast someone to be fucked by a huge dick, they have specifically gone out and found a bottom with capabilities well-above average. Those stars are also being paid to be fucked, too. If you flashed a thousand bucks in front of your bottoms I suspect they would find that your dick suddenly feels a lot nicer. Also, porn stars are taking frequent breaks off camera to recover. The object is not to pleasure the top, after all. It is to put on a good show for the camera until the director collects enough footage.
