Why do I feel like I need to deficate when being fucked?
January 21, 2008
I need help. I am a young gay guy and I've never fully had anal sex. I've tried it a couple times but it hurt then I stopped. I felt like I had to go to the bathroom (#2). Is this normal. Do you have any tips on it being less painful and not having to go to the bathroom? I Desperately need your advice.
With the exception of American Pie, movies always portray a guy's first sexual experience as romantic and magical. The brief moment of awkwardness and uncertainty and doubt is whisked away on clouds of excitement and eroticism. Unfortunately, life ain't Hollywood. The reality of sex isn't quite as glamorous. The words "oops" and "sorry" will uttered as much or more as "more" and "yes!"
Anal sex has the dubious honor of being even more funky. It can be intensely pleasurable (even better than in the movies, incidentally), but is also more difficult to do. Sex education is notoriously lacking in this country, especially when it comes to gay sex. Fortunately for you, my years of escorting have taught me a few lessons that may come in handy for you.
First, pick the right guy. There are a lot of guys that would love to fuck a virgin bottom. That does not mean they are remotely skilled enough to do it. If your latest trick is nicknamed "Beercan" and isn't the most caring and sensitive lover, you might want to consider your options.
Second, play with a dildo first. There's nothing that says you have to get fucked the first time you have sex. Buy a few dildos in different sizes and try fucking yourself with them. If you find the experience pleasurable, ask your lover to use the dildos on yourself. Playing with toys will help you get used to the new sensations of being fucked, not to mention help you decide if you really like it or not.
Third, use lots of lube, patience, and foreplay. When it comes to fucking, there is no such thing as any of those things. Go slowly, and spend lots and lots of time having your partner finger you and helping you to relax. I don't mean just thirty seconds, either. I mean more like ten minutes. As I said, you can't go too slowly the first time.
Fourth, be sure to use latex condoms and a water-based lubricant. Using condoms and the lube will help you avoid HIV and a number of other unpleasant sexually transmitted diseases. Knowing you are keeping yourself safe will help you to relax, which in turn helps avoid discomfort and pain. You can tell if your lube is water-based if it says so on the label, or if you see "water" as one of the ingredients. Look for warnings that the lubricant should not be used with latex condoms, too. If you find a label like that then the lube is oil-based, not water-based, and you should not use it.
Fifth, try getting fucked while you lay on your side. There are lots of positions to lose your virginity in, but getting fucked on your side is a great beginner position.
Sixth, don't be surprised when you suddenly feel like you need to go to the bathroom. Since being fucked is new to you, your body will be confused at the new forms of stimulation. As you get more practice at being fucked you'll learn to recognize the sensations better, but in the beginning you may feel like you need to use the bathroom. You're probably fine, but if you want to take a break and use it anyway, by all means go ahead. When you're done, don't be surprised if you need to use the bathroom. All that lube, cum, and air that he pumped in does need to come back. Just excuse yourself and take a "powder" for a bit.
Finally, slowly take his cock three times before you really go for it. The sphincter muscles reflexively tighten when they are penetrated. So when your lover starts sliding his dick into you, it is going to hurt a bit at first. Just tell him to pull out and wait a moment for the spasm to pass. Then try it again until it tightens again. Usually around the third or fourth time the muscles cease tightening and begin to relax. Once it feels comfortable, tell him how fast and how deep you want him to penetrate you.
There are plenty of other lessons to learn about being fucked, but those should be enough to get you started. Good luck!
Anal sex has the dubious honor of being even more funky. It can be intensely pleasurable (even better than in the movies, incidentally), but is also more difficult to do. Sex education is notoriously lacking in this country, especially when it comes to gay sex. Fortunately for you, my years of escorting have taught me a few lessons that may come in handy for you.
First, pick the right guy. There are a lot of guys that would love to fuck a virgin bottom. That does not mean they are remotely skilled enough to do it. If your latest trick is nicknamed "Beercan" and isn't the most caring and sensitive lover, you might want to consider your options.
Second, play with a dildo first. There's nothing that says you have to get fucked the first time you have sex. Buy a few dildos in different sizes and try fucking yourself with them. If you find the experience pleasurable, ask your lover to use the dildos on yourself. Playing with toys will help you get used to the new sensations of being fucked, not to mention help you decide if you really like it or not.
Third, use lots of lube, patience, and foreplay. When it comes to fucking, there is no such thing as any of those things. Go slowly, and spend lots and lots of time having your partner finger you and helping you to relax. I don't mean just thirty seconds, either. I mean more like ten minutes. As I said, you can't go too slowly the first time.
Fourth, be sure to use latex condoms and a water-based lubricant. Using condoms and the lube will help you avoid HIV and a number of other unpleasant sexually transmitted diseases. Knowing you are keeping yourself safe will help you to relax, which in turn helps avoid discomfort and pain. You can tell if your lube is water-based if it says so on the label, or if you see "water" as one of the ingredients. Look for warnings that the lubricant should not be used with latex condoms, too. If you find a label like that then the lube is oil-based, not water-based, and you should not use it.
Fifth, try getting fucked while you lay on your side. There are lots of positions to lose your virginity in, but getting fucked on your side is a great beginner position.
Sixth, don't be surprised when you suddenly feel like you need to go to the bathroom. Since being fucked is new to you, your body will be confused at the new forms of stimulation. As you get more practice at being fucked you'll learn to recognize the sensations better, but in the beginning you may feel like you need to use the bathroom. You're probably fine, but if you want to take a break and use it anyway, by all means go ahead. When you're done, don't be surprised if you need to use the bathroom. All that lube, cum, and air that he pumped in does need to come back. Just excuse yourself and take a "powder" for a bit.
Finally, slowly take his cock three times before you really go for it. The sphincter muscles reflexively tighten when they are penetrated. So when your lover starts sliding his dick into you, it is going to hurt a bit at first. Just tell him to pull out and wait a moment for the spasm to pass. Then try it again until it tightens again. Usually around the third or fourth time the muscles cease tightening and begin to relax. Once it feels comfortable, tell him how fast and how deep you want him to penetrate you.
There are plenty of other lessons to learn about being fucked, but those should be enough to get you started. Good luck!
