How should one be fucked?
January 21, 2008
I would certainly love if you could advise me how to prepare for the devirginisation of my ass. I have been waiting for a while now and would like to finally prepare for it.
Looks like y'all want to get fucked! I'm all for it, so let's talk bottoming. Grab yourself a drink though, because it's going to be a long answer.
Let me start by saying not everyone's body is designed for being fucked by huge dicks. I've met guys ranging from being able to sit on a barstool (and fall through!) to not being able to slide in their pinky without yelping. So understand that you're going to have your limitations. When learning to be fucked, you also be learning your body's limitations. So sorry to all you guys that want to be fucked by Jeff Stryker. Some of you simply won't be up to it. I know he's probably over my ability (although damn I'd like to find out!).
Those limitations will determine what is pain and what is pleasure. When you feel pain and discomfort, remember that those feelings are actually your body's way of saying it doesn't like what you're doing. If you continue you may wind up mildly or even majorly harming yourself. So if you're hurting, don't continue for the sake of your partner. Stop what you're doing and change your approach. As you become more and more familiar with the sensations with being fucked, you'll be able to distinguish between your body adjusting to being fucked, and your body telling you something is REALLY wrong. So listen to your body, ok? This is doubly the case if you have a history of anal medical conditions like hemorrhoids.
Ideally, fucking involves a few simple steps that go something like this.
1 - The bottom gets into position.
2 - The top puts on a condom.
3 - The top lubes up the bottom's ass, as well as his own dick.
4 - The top fingers the bottom to open up and relax his two (yes, two! An inner and an outer) sphincter muscles.
5 - The top slides his dick into the bottom.
6 - Slowly, but with ever increasing speed, he fucks the bottom.
7 - The two have wild, intense, exquisite, and safe orgasms that involve getting cum all over the room.
8 - The client then pays the escort, giving him a big tip for a job well done.
Oops, I got a bit carried away on step 8. But at least you get the general idea.
As far as positions go, there are about half a dozen basic positions, with numerous varieties of each. The positions you and your partner choose will have to do with a lot of factors, such as your general sizes/builds, your past experiences, your fantasies, the size of your partner's dick, how well you can get fucked, and the types of available furniture to fuck on. To learn more about these positions, I suggest you pick up a copy of The New Joy of Gay Sex. It's tastefully illustrated, and has lots of information on gay sexuality. Alternately, you can hire a good escort to play teacher. It's more fun, but the book is cheaper. :)
Just as a quick preview on what you'll find in the book, there are two particularly good positions for new bottoms. The first is being fucked on your side - the other person laying on their side right behind you. It allows the top to penetrate you, but also allows you to move forward if the feelings become uncomfortable. Alternately, the top can lay on his back with his erect dick standing straight up while the bottom sits down on him. This doesn't allow the top to pump quite as easily, but gives the bottom greater control over his sensations. (My personal favorite position for being fucked in is laying on my back with my ass up on a pillow and my legs in the air. It's slightly more advanced than the two positions I just mentioned, but it drives me wild. Some bottoms love it, some hate it. Try it sometime as an experiment).
As far as learning to open up your ass, there are a few things you need to know. First, the anus is one of the most sensitive parts of the human body. It is surrounded with millions of nerve endings. Inside the anus is two sphincter muscles - an outer and an inner. The outer muscle is the one you feel when you either "squeeze" or "push" down there. The inner one you have less control over. It's mostly an involuntary muscle (like your heart), although with practice you can gain some control over it.
One of the reasons you can't control it is because most newbies to anal sex have no idea how to do anything with it. It's not a muscle you generally need to consciously use, after all. To learn how to relax it (which is really what you want to know, squeezing being far less important with that muscle), start by soaping up a finger in the shower and sliding it a few inches inside yourself. You'll feel the layers of muscle part. No need to direct anything, you'll naturally slide in past the sphincters. You probably won't be able to tell the difference between the two sphincters though, as they're close together. But slide a little something in there every day for a few weeks, gradually moving up in size. From one finger to two after a few days, for example. Or use a very small dildo. Whatever you do - DO NOT USE ANYTHING SHARP OR FORCE ANYTHING UP THERE THAT DOESN'T FIT. The linings of your rectum are strong enough for everyday use, but they're not going to stand up to being abused!
Gradually over a couple of weeks of experimenting, you'll gain a bit of control over your muscles and be able to relax them. A good test of your progress is to masturbate with a nice sized dildo in your ass. (What's a nice size will depend on your body's particular limitations. We already determined not everyone will be getting fucked by Jeff Stryker, remember?). If you have a fun time being fucked with that dildo and can blow a good load, chances are you're up to being fucked by a dick that size. Try using different sized dildos to see what your preferences are. And remember, this isn't a race. You've got plenty of time to get used to things.
As for those of you who are more experienced but want to start taking even bigger dicks, much of that advice still holds. Learning how to relax your muscles will allow you to take more, and finding the right positions will help a great deal. I love being fucked while laying on my stomach, but I know it isn't ideal when it comes to a huge dick. The same (or the reverse or whatever) may apply to you. Experiment with different positions, and if the opportunity allows, different partners. Just 'cuz someone has a big dick doesn't mean he's a good top. He may be half the problem! And go buy yourself a couple of big (although not huge) dildos. If you can take one of them for a while, you can take a big dick too.
To take one of those mondo dicks (and remember, some of you simply can't!), go back and read my advice in column one for tops. If your top isn't concerned with helping you relax and opening up, it may not work out very well. He needs to spend lots (I mean lots!) of time slowly opening you up, putting the tip of his dick in your ass and slowly penetrating you, only to pull it out and hear you whimper. Not just slamming it in there and expecting you to love it. You can relax yourself only so much - it's a team effort here. He has to play the game with you. Keep in mind too that although the length of one's dick will affect things a bit, it's mostly their width. A six-inch thick dick will be harder to take than an eight inch thin one. Take it from me, I'm the latter.
Sometimes when being fucked deeply you'll feel the top hitting something in you - a lining of some sort. Sometimes just slowly pulling back and allowing your insides to shift slightly will solve the problem. Other times it takes a change of position. Either way, you need to be careful here. If he's hitting something that isn't giving, you don't want him to pump that far. A lot of tops have no problem fucking slightly less deep, so don't hesitate to suggest a slightly different style and rhythm of fucking. The New Joy of Gay Sex has a few suggestions on different positions for big dicks, too. So don't hesitate to give it a read.
Sometimes you'll also feel a bit sore because of the length of time in being fucked, particularly in the case of thicker dicks. It's because your insides are being worn out a bit. Never fear, they'll be fine, as long as you listen to your body and stop when it's time. (You'll know that moment because it's about the time you start silently wishing the top would hurry up and cum). A good thing to do at this point is to see how close your top is to cumming. If he's not anywhere near cumming, then stop and do something else besides fucking. If he's really close, then perhaps you can hang in there for another few moments. Either way, don't let it begin to hurt.
You'll find too that the hornier you are, the better you are able to be fucked. The last time you came has a lot to do with this. So try to have the top cum before you do, otherwise it may be uncomfortable as he goes for his orgasm. Also, try refraining from jacking off for a day or two beforehand. It'll help keep you excited, and keep your ass experiencing pleasure instead of pain.
Two other thoughts, both from personal experience. First - bottoms with small frames (like me!) should be careful about the positions they fucked. When I was 17 I was fucked by a top who laid me on my back, lifted my legs in the air, but bent my knees back onto my chest. He would put his weight on my legs and fuck me for long periods of time. Come the next day, I would feel a crushing sensation in my chest. Probably because I had bruised my ribs. Fortunately, it's easy to avoid that happening. If the top is making you feel uncomfortable by putting too much weight on you, tell him to change positions. And don't feel remotely obligated to get fucked in an uncomfortable position just because it's his favorite.
Also, if you've been particularly well-fucked, you may experience an attack of cramps afterward. Having been fucked well over five hundred times in my life, I can safely say this has happened no more than five or six times. When it happens, just park yourself in a bathroom and sit on the toilet. I've found there's not a lot you can do except wait it out. It hurts like hell for about ten minutes, but it does go away. Obviously, use your common sense here. If it doesn't go away after half an hour, or if the pain is excruciating, don't fuck around sitting in your bathroom. Get in your car and have your top drive you to your doctor or to an emergency room. You may have somehow damaged something inside you, and such injuries can be extremely serious. But like I said, that's extremely rare. And I haven't been to the ER yet (nor has anyone I know that was fucked). So I hope I didn't scare you there.
Wow, I've written a lot here. So go ahead and give these ideas a try. If you still have questions, let me know. And if you need a teacher, then perhaps you might want to give me a ring. : )
Let me start by saying not everyone's body is designed for being fucked by huge dicks. I've met guys ranging from being able to sit on a barstool (and fall through!) to not being able to slide in their pinky without yelping. So understand that you're going to have your limitations. When learning to be fucked, you also be learning your body's limitations. So sorry to all you guys that want to be fucked by Jeff Stryker. Some of you simply won't be up to it. I know he's probably over my ability (although damn I'd like to find out!).
Those limitations will determine what is pain and what is pleasure. When you feel pain and discomfort, remember that those feelings are actually your body's way of saying it doesn't like what you're doing. If you continue you may wind up mildly or even majorly harming yourself. So if you're hurting, don't continue for the sake of your partner. Stop what you're doing and change your approach. As you become more and more familiar with the sensations with being fucked, you'll be able to distinguish between your body adjusting to being fucked, and your body telling you something is REALLY wrong. So listen to your body, ok? This is doubly the case if you have a history of anal medical conditions like hemorrhoids.
Ideally, fucking involves a few simple steps that go something like this.
1 - The bottom gets into position.
2 - The top puts on a condom.
3 - The top lubes up the bottom's ass, as well as his own dick.
4 - The top fingers the bottom to open up and relax his two (yes, two! An inner and an outer) sphincter muscles.
5 - The top slides his dick into the bottom.
6 - Slowly, but with ever increasing speed, he fucks the bottom.
7 - The two have wild, intense, exquisite, and safe orgasms that involve getting cum all over the room.
8 - The client then pays the escort, giving him a big tip for a job well done.
Oops, I got a bit carried away on step 8. But at least you get the general idea.
As far as positions go, there are about half a dozen basic positions, with numerous varieties of each. The positions you and your partner choose will have to do with a lot of factors, such as your general sizes/builds, your past experiences, your fantasies, the size of your partner's dick, how well you can get fucked, and the types of available furniture to fuck on. To learn more about these positions, I suggest you pick up a copy of The New Joy of Gay Sex. It's tastefully illustrated, and has lots of information on gay sexuality. Alternately, you can hire a good escort to play teacher. It's more fun, but the book is cheaper. :)
Just as a quick preview on what you'll find in the book, there are two particularly good positions for new bottoms. The first is being fucked on your side - the other person laying on their side right behind you. It allows the top to penetrate you, but also allows you to move forward if the feelings become uncomfortable. Alternately, the top can lay on his back with his erect dick standing straight up while the bottom sits down on him. This doesn't allow the top to pump quite as easily, but gives the bottom greater control over his sensations. (My personal favorite position for being fucked in is laying on my back with my ass up on a pillow and my legs in the air. It's slightly more advanced than the two positions I just mentioned, but it drives me wild. Some bottoms love it, some hate it. Try it sometime as an experiment).
As far as learning to open up your ass, there are a few things you need to know. First, the anus is one of the most sensitive parts of the human body. It is surrounded with millions of nerve endings. Inside the anus is two sphincter muscles - an outer and an inner. The outer muscle is the one you feel when you either "squeeze" or "push" down there. The inner one you have less control over. It's mostly an involuntary muscle (like your heart), although with practice you can gain some control over it.
One of the reasons you can't control it is because most newbies to anal sex have no idea how to do anything with it. It's not a muscle you generally need to consciously use, after all. To learn how to relax it (which is really what you want to know, squeezing being far less important with that muscle), start by soaping up a finger in the shower and sliding it a few inches inside yourself. You'll feel the layers of muscle part. No need to direct anything, you'll naturally slide in past the sphincters. You probably won't be able to tell the difference between the two sphincters though, as they're close together. But slide a little something in there every day for a few weeks, gradually moving up in size. From one finger to two after a few days, for example. Or use a very small dildo. Whatever you do - DO NOT USE ANYTHING SHARP OR FORCE ANYTHING UP THERE THAT DOESN'T FIT. The linings of your rectum are strong enough for everyday use, but they're not going to stand up to being abused!
Gradually over a couple of weeks of experimenting, you'll gain a bit of control over your muscles and be able to relax them. A good test of your progress is to masturbate with a nice sized dildo in your ass. (What's a nice size will depend on your body's particular limitations. We already determined not everyone will be getting fucked by Jeff Stryker, remember?). If you have a fun time being fucked with that dildo and can blow a good load, chances are you're up to being fucked by a dick that size. Try using different sized dildos to see what your preferences are. And remember, this isn't a race. You've got plenty of time to get used to things.
As for those of you who are more experienced but want to start taking even bigger dicks, much of that advice still holds. Learning how to relax your muscles will allow you to take more, and finding the right positions will help a great deal. I love being fucked while laying on my stomach, but I know it isn't ideal when it comes to a huge dick. The same (or the reverse or whatever) may apply to you. Experiment with different positions, and if the opportunity allows, different partners. Just 'cuz someone has a big dick doesn't mean he's a good top. He may be half the problem! And go buy yourself a couple of big (although not huge) dildos. If you can take one of them for a while, you can take a big dick too.
To take one of those mondo dicks (and remember, some of you simply can't!), go back and read my advice in column one for tops. If your top isn't concerned with helping you relax and opening up, it may not work out very well. He needs to spend lots (I mean lots!) of time slowly opening you up, putting the tip of his dick in your ass and slowly penetrating you, only to pull it out and hear you whimper. Not just slamming it in there and expecting you to love it. You can relax yourself only so much - it's a team effort here. He has to play the game with you. Keep in mind too that although the length of one's dick will affect things a bit, it's mostly their width. A six-inch thick dick will be harder to take than an eight inch thin one. Take it from me, I'm the latter.
Sometimes when being fucked deeply you'll feel the top hitting something in you - a lining of some sort. Sometimes just slowly pulling back and allowing your insides to shift slightly will solve the problem. Other times it takes a change of position. Either way, you need to be careful here. If he's hitting something that isn't giving, you don't want him to pump that far. A lot of tops have no problem fucking slightly less deep, so don't hesitate to suggest a slightly different style and rhythm of fucking. The New Joy of Gay Sex has a few suggestions on different positions for big dicks, too. So don't hesitate to give it a read.
Sometimes you'll also feel a bit sore because of the length of time in being fucked, particularly in the case of thicker dicks. It's because your insides are being worn out a bit. Never fear, they'll be fine, as long as you listen to your body and stop when it's time. (You'll know that moment because it's about the time you start silently wishing the top would hurry up and cum). A good thing to do at this point is to see how close your top is to cumming. If he's not anywhere near cumming, then stop and do something else besides fucking. If he's really close, then perhaps you can hang in there for another few moments. Either way, don't let it begin to hurt.
You'll find too that the hornier you are, the better you are able to be fucked. The last time you came has a lot to do with this. So try to have the top cum before you do, otherwise it may be uncomfortable as he goes for his orgasm. Also, try refraining from jacking off for a day or two beforehand. It'll help keep you excited, and keep your ass experiencing pleasure instead of pain.
Two other thoughts, both from personal experience. First - bottoms with small frames (like me!) should be careful about the positions they fucked. When I was 17 I was fucked by a top who laid me on my back, lifted my legs in the air, but bent my knees back onto my chest. He would put his weight on my legs and fuck me for long periods of time. Come the next day, I would feel a crushing sensation in my chest. Probably because I had bruised my ribs. Fortunately, it's easy to avoid that happening. If the top is making you feel uncomfortable by putting too much weight on you, tell him to change positions. And don't feel remotely obligated to get fucked in an uncomfortable position just because it's his favorite.
Also, if you've been particularly well-fucked, you may experience an attack of cramps afterward. Having been fucked well over five hundred times in my life, I can safely say this has happened no more than five or six times. When it happens, just park yourself in a bathroom and sit on the toilet. I've found there's not a lot you can do except wait it out. It hurts like hell for about ten minutes, but it does go away. Obviously, use your common sense here. If it doesn't go away after half an hour, or if the pain is excruciating, don't fuck around sitting in your bathroom. Get in your car and have your top drive you to your doctor or to an emergency room. You may have somehow damaged something inside you, and such injuries can be extremely serious. But like I said, that's extremely rare. And I haven't been to the ER yet (nor has anyone I know that was fucked). So I hope I didn't scare you there.
Wow, I've written a lot here. So go ahead and give these ideas a try. If you still have questions, let me know. And if you need a teacher, then perhaps you might want to give me a ring. : )
