Should I be afraid to have sex with a guy because of AIDS?
January 21, 2008
I never had sex with a guy before, but always wanted to. When I find someone, I chicken out on meeting him because I think he might have AIDS. How can I overcome this?
Ask yourself this: Would you get together with someone if you knew there was no way you could contract HIV? If you answer yes, then why not get together with a guy to do 100% safe things? For example, try jacking each other off. Even if he has full blown AIDS, you won't be putting yourself at risk unless you have some sort of cut or sore on your fingers. You can kiss, play with each others' balls, rub your bodies together, and do lots more fun stuff without putting yourself at risk at all.
Another option is to develop a romantic relationship before it becomes sexual. There's nothing wrong with beginning to date someone and holding off the sex for a while. If the two of you fall in love, then consider going and having HIV-tests done. You can exchange results, and talk about your concerns with a HIV-testing counselor. Then you'll be able to begin exploring your sexuality with him in an environment which makes you feel much safer and secure.
Of course, you may have answered that initial question "no." In which case AIDS is just the excuse you're using to avoid meeting someone. In that case you may want to skip the dating/sex scene completely for a while and start meeting gay guys as friends. There are plenty of gay social outlets to do that. Look around the web for those in your area, or call your local gay information line to ask about ways to meet people.
In the end, the decision to meet someone for friendship, romance, or sex has to come to you. If you can't bring yourself to meet someone at all, perhaps you're not ready to do so. In this case you may want to either talk to a professional counselor about your issues, or may just want to wait until your urge to meet someone outweighs your fears. The choice, as always, is yours to make.
Another option is to develop a romantic relationship before it becomes sexual. There's nothing wrong with beginning to date someone and holding off the sex for a while. If the two of you fall in love, then consider going and having HIV-tests done. You can exchange results, and talk about your concerns with a HIV-testing counselor. Then you'll be able to begin exploring your sexuality with him in an environment which makes you feel much safer and secure.
Of course, you may have answered that initial question "no." In which case AIDS is just the excuse you're using to avoid meeting someone. In that case you may want to skip the dating/sex scene completely for a while and start meeting gay guys as friends. There are plenty of gay social outlets to do that. Look around the web for those in your area, or call your local gay information line to ask about ways to meet people.
In the end, the decision to meet someone for friendship, romance, or sex has to come to you. If you can't bring yourself to meet someone at all, perhaps you're not ready to do so. In this case you may want to either talk to a professional counselor about your issues, or may just want to wait until your urge to meet someone outweighs your fears. The choice, as always, is yours to make.
