How can I stop losing my erection with my boyfriend?
January 21, 2008
I would be most grateful if you could advise me on several issues and problems. I am 23 and my boyfriend is 30. We have been together almost two years and we currently live together. He is my first boyfriend and the first person I have ever had sex with.
In the beginning he topped me. In time he occasionally let me top him until I started having problems with my erection. Now every time I want to be a top and enter him I cannot reach enough of an erection to do so. I do get hard when I masturbate, but I can't during sex with him.
Now we have sex very rarely, perhaps once every three or four weeks. I miss intimacy with him and feel lonely. I am starting to ask myself what kind of guy I am that cannot to satisfy my partner. I am trapped in this problem and do not know what to do. Sometimes I think he will leave me because of all this. Also, I feel he unconsciously respects me less.
I do not know what to do to solve this problem. What do you think can help?
In the beginning he topped me. In time he occasionally let me top him until I started having problems with my erection. Now every time I want to be a top and enter him I cannot reach enough of an erection to do so. I do get hard when I masturbate, but I can't during sex with him.
Now we have sex very rarely, perhaps once every three or four weeks. I miss intimacy with him and feel lonely. I am starting to ask myself what kind of guy I am that cannot to satisfy my partner. I am trapped in this problem and do not know what to do. Sometimes I think he will leave me because of all this. Also, I feel he unconsciously respects me less.
I do not know what to do to solve this problem. What do you think can help?
For starters, you're going to have to sit down with your lover and have a long talk. Not the same one you guys had when you talked about this issue before, but one that is actually going to outline a plan of action to work though this challenge. Trouble getting hard isn't just your problem, you know. It's both of yours. Your relationship is going to continue going down the toilet until you stop fretting over it and the two of you begin working together to confront the issue. If you can't do this step then your relationship is sunk already. You both have got a lot of repair work ahead of you.
But first let's work on the erection issue. You know the issue isn't physical since you can have an erection when you are alone. So why are you having the trouble together. Are you able to masturbate if he plays with your balls, licks your nipples, makes out with you, or anything else that gets you hot? Try it. Don't worry about him cumming, and don't worry about oral sex or fucking. Just focus on building your own confidence. You have to start somewhere, and this is an easy enough exercise. Once you get the hang of jacking off with his help you can slowly add in more sexual acts until your sex life is back to normal.
Your problem may be solvable by through other strategies. For example, if you are tired when you have sex then you need to play during a different time of day. Perhaps your condoms are too tight, or you are trying to fuck him in a position that doesn't work for you. Are you on any medications? There are plenty that can prevent you from getting hard. Alternately, medication may be what you need. You may be young, but that doesn't mean Viagra wouldn't help in this situation.
If none of these approaches help then go see a urologist. If that doesn’t work then talk to a sex therapist. I’ll eat my favorite cockring if neither of them can help. Your problem isn't half as bad as you've made it out to be. You just need a fresh perspective and team approach towards finding a resolution.
But first let's work on the erection issue. You know the issue isn't physical since you can have an erection when you are alone. So why are you having the trouble together. Are you able to masturbate if he plays with your balls, licks your nipples, makes out with you, or anything else that gets you hot? Try it. Don't worry about him cumming, and don't worry about oral sex or fucking. Just focus on building your own confidence. You have to start somewhere, and this is an easy enough exercise. Once you get the hang of jacking off with his help you can slowly add in more sexual acts until your sex life is back to normal.
Your problem may be solvable by through other strategies. For example, if you are tired when you have sex then you need to play during a different time of day. Perhaps your condoms are too tight, or you are trying to fuck him in a position that doesn't work for you. Are you on any medications? There are plenty that can prevent you from getting hard. Alternately, medication may be what you need. You may be young, but that doesn't mean Viagra wouldn't help in this situation.
If none of these approaches help then go see a urologist. If that doesn’t work then talk to a sex therapist. I’ll eat my favorite cockring if neither of them can help. Your problem isn't half as bad as you've made it out to be. You just need a fresh perspective and team approach towards finding a resolution.
