How can a married guy meet someone for more than a fling?
January 20, 2008
My question is, or should I say my problem is that I am not sure if I want to go on with my life. I am sexually GAY in a heterosexual relationship with a wonderful person who I love, but there is not spark and no desire. I cannot hurt this person for the world, but if I don't fulfill my mounting sexual needs I think I am going to go insane. I have tried the peep shows and glory holes, but I need the full contact of a full sexual union, not a quick blow. Where can I turn, what can I do? I know there are no easy answers, but is there some place to turn to. Someplace to find what I am looking for? Please help if you can.
Sounds to me as if you already know what you have to do. You said yourself, "...there is no spark and no desire." That's not a healthy relationship, and you know as well as I do that staying isn't going to make things any better. You're miserable, and chances are the woman in question isn't too happy either. Certainly she's not going to be any happier about having an empty marriage for the next forty years. If you were in her position you would certainly want to be free to make your own decisions as to what to do in the future.
I think we both know it's time for you to come out and transition your life into an out gay male's. It's what you know you need to be, but you're simply scared of having to come out to your wife. Understandably! It's a difficult thing to do, and even more so if you have children. Rest assured, there are many gay men that have come out to their wives and families and had proactive divorces.
If you feel you're not ready to take that step (And you really can! Just have confidence in yourself), you may want to check out some of the many married bi and gay men's resources online. Just head over to google and do a web search for "gay married men". You'll find all sorts of useful and interesting resources. I also suggest you call your local gay/lesbian info line and ask about what resources they have for gay married men. Many have support groups you may want to attend.
Either way, consider the reverse. Imagine being happily married to a woman who deep inside knew she was a lesbian. Even though on the surface she may be the happy wife, you wouldn't want her to torment herself by staying with you for forty years just because she was afraid to come out. That being said, you may chose not to come out and end your marriage. Lots of bi/gay married men stay with their wives. Toward that end, you may want to check out Manhunt. It's a serious meat market but will give you a chance to hook up with guys that don't mind forming attachments to married guys like yourself. Whatever you choose, I wish you good luck.
I think we both know it's time for you to come out and transition your life into an out gay male's. It's what you know you need to be, but you're simply scared of having to come out to your wife. Understandably! It's a difficult thing to do, and even more so if you have children. Rest assured, there are many gay men that have come out to their wives and families and had proactive divorces.
If you feel you're not ready to take that step (And you really can! Just have confidence in yourself), you may want to check out some of the many married bi and gay men's resources online. Just head over to google and do a web search for "gay married men". You'll find all sorts of useful and interesting resources. I also suggest you call your local gay/lesbian info line and ask about what resources they have for gay married men. Many have support groups you may want to attend.
Either way, consider the reverse. Imagine being happily married to a woman who deep inside knew she was a lesbian. Even though on the surface she may be the happy wife, you wouldn't want her to torment herself by staying with you for forty years just because she was afraid to come out. That being said, you may chose not to come out and end your marriage. Lots of bi/gay married men stay with their wives. Toward that end, you may want to check out Manhunt. It's a serious meat market but will give you a chance to hook up with guys that don't mind forming attachments to married guys like yourself. Whatever you choose, I wish you good luck.
