How can I avoid anal mess even when I use an enema?
January 20, 2008
Well, after a lifetime of being turned off by some of the smells and dirtiness sometimes associated with anal sex - your column really helped me deal with it better - I love to top - but there is sometimes that "moment" during the throes of great fucking when you can JUST TELL things are getting a little messy - and when I smell it - or feel it - my hardon fades so fast I just can't explain it. Well, I think I have a question that hasn't been covered - last night I met this incredibly hot guy online who - unusually enough - was just like me - loves top AND bottom - but he had a PA (which I only learned when he whipped it out was a Prince Albert piercing through the head of his penis) and I was pretty turned on so I figured let's give it a go. He had a nice very fat 8 inches, so I figured it would be an adventure. I guess I also have to say at this point that we had been talking online - had established we were both negative - and that we weren't going to use a condom!
I hope to don't stop reading and freak out on me - I am aware of all the trends - and increased "barebacking" and all that. We had decided that we would pull out, neither of us get much precum - and we wanted to do it. Anyway - that's not my question - Let's just say that even though I followed all of your "cleaning" instructions - as I have been - as a bottom I made such a mess I am still embarrassed today. He was totally cool about it - but I am simply mortified. Could the PA have caused increased mess due to the metal? Could it have cut me and raised the risks? I didn't bleed - Could I have not gotten all the water out? (I douched in the shower with a device that attaches to the shower head) and it usually works quite well. Sometimes I still feel "full" but when I put more water up there, and it comes out perfectly clear and clean - I assume things are ok. We switched places, and I fucked him after that - but right when I was going to cum - I pulled out - things were messy - and I lost my hardon. Do I need therapy? Or am I just not following Aaron's instructions properly? It doesn't happen most of the time - but the few times it does are so embarrassing I can't stand it.
I hope to don't stop reading and freak out on me - I am aware of all the trends - and increased "barebacking" and all that. We had decided that we would pull out, neither of us get much precum - and we wanted to do it. Anyway - that's not my question - Let's just say that even though I followed all of your "cleaning" instructions - as I have been - as a bottom I made such a mess I am still embarrassed today. He was totally cool about it - but I am simply mortified. Could the PA have caused increased mess due to the metal? Could it have cut me and raised the risks? I didn't bleed - Could I have not gotten all the water out? (I douched in the shower with a device that attaches to the shower head) and it usually works quite well. Sometimes I still feel "full" but when I put more water up there, and it comes out perfectly clear and clean - I assume things are ok. We switched places, and I fucked him after that - but right when I was going to cum - I pulled out - things were messy - and I lost my hardon. Do I need therapy? Or am I just not following Aaron's instructions properly? It doesn't happen most of the time - but the few times it does are so embarrassing I can't stand it.
Mess is bad enough, but mess when you're barebacking? Yuck! You missed one of the cardinal rules to bareback fucking - always make sure you are "anally clean" before you invite your partner to climb inside. A good way to do that is to finger yourself. If your finger comes out with traces of "mess" on it, or if a piece of poop inside your rectum then you need to do something. Using the bathroom to take a dump is a must in that case, to excise anything still inside your rectum. Then use soap and water to thoroughly wash off the surface of your anus and the lining of the sphincter inside it.
Then you managed to forget another cardinal rule: check your partner before you fuck him. After forgetting to do so, you accidentally stumbled into the same trap that he fell into a few minutes before. After giving him the finger test you could have easily suggested you skip the anal sex, or at least have a sudden attack of "health consciousness" and then used a condom.
But enough analysis. What you need is answers and a strategy for your next trick. Let's start with the answers. You asked if you needed therapy because you lost your erection after pulling out of your partner and having mess all over your dick. My answer: Hell, no! We'd have all lost our hardon in your position. Don't hold it against him that he wasn't in touch with his anal side. We all have to learn lessons about how to be self-aware down there. You had some trouble with that yourself, so obviously it's a human thing.
Your second question: Did his PA have anything to do with it? I'd say no. If it caused any harm you would have probably found blood in all of the mess. But since it didn't scratch you up that's not likely to be the cause of anything. The fact that he had an eight-inch dick is more likely the case. By the time the top is that big he's getting pretty deep inside you!
Third question: Could some of the mess have been caused by water? Quite possibly. The mess from water is (surprise!) quite watery. A quick pat with a towel cleans it up. If the bottom goes into the bathroom for a minute at that point he can get most of the water out of his rectum. Unless he is foolish enough to douche with more water at that point. Why some men insist on cleaning out dirty water by injecting more clean water is beyond me. I didn't see his messy dick when he pulled out (thank goodness), but if the mess was solid, it wasn't caused by water. If it was liquidy, then it was probably caused by lube and water. The solution here is to douche with less water next time. You said you felt "full" when you're putting more water inside you. That's a BAD sign. It probably means water is going way up into your colon, in which case it is all going to pour back out over the next couple of hours.
Then you managed to forget another cardinal rule: check your partner before you fuck him. After forgetting to do so, you accidentally stumbled into the same trap that he fell into a few minutes before. After giving him the finger test you could have easily suggested you skip the anal sex, or at least have a sudden attack of "health consciousness" and then used a condom.
But enough analysis. What you need is answers and a strategy for your next trick. Let's start with the answers. You asked if you needed therapy because you lost your erection after pulling out of your partner and having mess all over your dick. My answer: Hell, no! We'd have all lost our hardon in your position. Don't hold it against him that he wasn't in touch with his anal side. We all have to learn lessons about how to be self-aware down there. You had some trouble with that yourself, so obviously it's a human thing.
Your second question: Did his PA have anything to do with it? I'd say no. If it caused any harm you would have probably found blood in all of the mess. But since it didn't scratch you up that's not likely to be the cause of anything. The fact that he had an eight-inch dick is more likely the case. By the time the top is that big he's getting pretty deep inside you!
Third question: Could some of the mess have been caused by water? Quite possibly. The mess from water is (surprise!) quite watery. A quick pat with a towel cleans it up. If the bottom goes into the bathroom for a minute at that point he can get most of the water out of his rectum. Unless he is foolish enough to douche with more water at that point. Why some men insist on cleaning out dirty water by injecting more clean water is beyond me. I didn't see his messy dick when he pulled out (thank goodness), but if the mess was solid, it wasn't caused by water. If it was liquidy, then it was probably caused by lube and water. The solution here is to douche with less water next time. You said you felt "full" when you're putting more water inside you. That's a BAD sign. It probably means water is going way up into your colon, in which case it is all going to pour back out over the next couple of hours.
